An Open Presence of Self

I have learned to experience my presence in the moment, in real time. I wasn’t always able to be present in the moment. I was frequently disconnected, stuck in my mind whipped up by racing thoughts or completely disassociated from me.

Practicing to be present has involved a combination of tools from meditation and yoga to talking out loud, reciting what my senses are experiencing and learning to feel sensations in my physical body as they rise and fall. 

I recently had a new awareness of my presence. Sometimes, I feel myself show up in a moment as an OPEN presence of self and sometimes I show up as a CLOSED presence of self.

My open presence is physically relaxed, my breath smooth, my mind calm. I am.

In my closed presence, my muscles are tense, clenched. I can feel my mental conceptions and expectations in my physical armouring. My breath is shallow.

To be clear, I can be sitting home alone, safe, with NOTHING going on and be aware that I am in my closed presence of self. When I am in this state of being, I am stuck, unable to receive, unable to give.

This is the lesson my awareness has brought to my attention. I can see the difference between these states of my being and accept them without judgement.